Saving Santa? All in a Knight's Work


‘Oh no!’ cried Santa
‘This is a fine mess
What a pickle I am in
What a jam!
It’s a farrago of horrors
A terrible imbroglio!
What can I do? Oh woe is me!
Who can help me
With my conundrum?
It will soon be dawn
And no further can I proceed

Look! Look at my poor reindeer!
Look at mighty Rudolf’s
Once bright red snozzle
It has well and truly waned to puce
Blitzen’s stuffed. He’s blitzed!
Prancer has no dance
And woebegone Dancer can
Hardly raise a prance
And as for Donner and Cupid
Well they’re both entirely kaput
Comet, it seems, will never
Utter a comment again
What with his mouth so a-foaming
It’s completely apparent
they are all as spent as can be
And so will I be
And worse
If no solution can be found.

We’ve done Europe
And the two Americas
We are through with Asia
Major and Minor
Deliveries have been made
To the Pacific and Kiwiland
And Africa was a doddle
For my sleigh pulling team
But here we are
Stuck atop massive Uluru
Surrounded by all this
Horizon-less red distance
And they cannot go on
Simply cannot do it
And nor should they
But where are they?
Where can they possibly be?
With all those Aussie tots awaiting

Across the land they’ll soon awake
To find no presents (sob)
To confront empty stockings (sob)
To discover nothing under the tree (sob)
Surely those boomers are not at fault
They have never let me down afore
In all the time I have done this job
Always they are here,
Waiting on the monolith
To take the place of springless deer
My replacement team
For this final leg over Oz
My loyal six white boomers
Of whom there is no sign
So who will pull the sled till sun-up
Laden with gifts galore
For all good boys and girls?

There is but one chance. I know
Two fearless, tiny
Bravehearts. Only they
Will know what to do
They are my only hope, but
Where, oh where, is my sleighmobile?
What have I done with it?
If only I can locate it
There is still a chance for me’

And find his sleighmobile Santa did
So he placed a call to the pair
Two little mites so pure of heart
His only chance that this Christmas
Smiles will not be scarce
On the faces of Aussie kids

Down south in faraway Tassie
Two Yuletide weary Daddies
Did once more suit up
These two dynamic mini-knights
And once more they summoned
Old Whitebelly and that mighty
Flying fursty ferret steed
And with colander armour a-shining, and
With wooden sword and lance a waving,
Off flew our valiant, valiant mates
To face a suspected foe.

Those fiendish, gnarlish gnus, they knew
had been so quiet, so low profile
Of late
Could they be the cause of Santa’s crisis?
Tessa Tyger and LFM strongly
Felt that may be so.

Over Bass Strait they went
Their separate ways
One took the west coast
The other swerved towards the east
Brave, brave Bryn swooped
Across the Nullabor and on
Up to the Pilbara
And scouted around the Kimberley
Valkyrie Tyger surveyed the hazy ranges
Continuing to Mangoland and theTip
They met over Darwin, and then
South they scooted on
But alack and alas
Not a single snowy boomer
Did they espy!

Empty handed they descended
Back down to Uluru
All long faces and
Shrugging shoulders abounded, and
Of course, time stands still for
No-one, human or beast

Suddenly Tessa’s face lit up
Her febrile mind had hit on it
‘There’s one more place I know
Where they may be sought
And not too far away, we
May be okay even yet’

Up, up to a great height
Shot Santa’s minuscule trouble shooters
And from that elevated advantage
They cringed at a frightful sight
For across in the Pound –
That’s Wilpena Pound on the map
They spotted their quarry
Tethered and bound
Six white boomers were cowering, enslaved
About to be dinner for –
Well, you guessed it – a salivating
Posse of those evil creatures
Those vile, vexatious gnarlish gnus
Clutching in hooves some
Fearsome knives, to
Slice and dice our Santa’s
Formidable reserve team


Down came the courageous avian
With a flying ferret by her side
And just as those awful, awful
Putrid pestilence-ridden gnus
Were a-thinking of roo burgers
Doused in pepperberry sauce
They heard a fearful cacophony
From up above, and to flight
They did take. Off they
Scattered, into the desert
For they knew from battles past
They’d be no match gainst the
Will of Tessa Tyger Gordon
And her stout warrior pal, LFM

They unchained the boomers
Who then leapt to the skies
To save the day
For a despairing St Nick
Now he can finish his deliveries
That one and the same eve
And Christmas Downunder this day
Would go as per plan

Home flew our tired foursome
Home to bed and to dream
The dreams of all those who await
The sunrise on a special day
They’ll awake to gifts now discharged
They will awake to
Their Mummy and Daddy’s
Enduring love

We know them, these two
We know of their worth
We know the joy they give
We know they are gold
Beyond compare.


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